I shouldn't be alive ...

... exactly that is how many men feel after they happily joined spent quality outlet time were forced in to joining there spouse during a holidays outlet frenzy. It turns out that many men have a deep rooted survival mode... it can be easily observed in any of these shoppingmalls from hell.

The root cause of it all is the female of the species... here captured in it's natural habitat, in between the racks in an outlet during a sale... the facial expression tells it all.

At the locations were the battle for sales is the hottest, inside the caves and in between the shelves ful of goodies, it's best to make yourselves as small and unobtrusive as possible, it is even best to have your back covered, you can use anything for that...

Another survival tactic is to just keep out of the way and try your best impersonation of a mule. To not completely go insane over time it is best to carry something on yourselves to keep you distracted from the frenzy...

Try to best use whatever is available... a clothing rack out of the mainstream tussle can be used as a back cover and/or to support yourselves during these tiring times...

... the more experienced guys can use it as support and at the same time even call their friends to share in their pain.

There are of course places, like lingerie shops, where it is best to immediately retract yourselves after entering... stay as close to the door as possible... do not, I repeat, do NOT go anywhere near the changing rooms...

Of course, their are some men with an abnormal E-Quotient rating, who will try their best to support their opposite halve, but even they will eventually fall pray. We observed an example during our outing at this years Christmas sales at this outlet. The poor guy below even saw his offspring being dragged in to it. Spot the differences... this fellow is doing his best to mentally support his woman and even plays the mule part extremely well...

... then the wife checks in on him for a second...

... just shocking what this guy has to experience, how can he ever be a fierce warier example for his little son again... this will haunt him for the rest of his feeble live.

Sometimes, we can observe the exception to the rule, most of the times in the only hardware store available, or like this time, in a sports shoe store, a warn down female!

But even then, she looks way better of then these poor sods who clearly have given up all hope.

Another more daring survival technique, at the risk of hypothermia or being mugged, is to hide in plane sight, right outside the entrance.

Like in the animal world, safety in numbers applies as well.

It is always good to be aware of the movements of your other halve, but of course try to keep out of sight, like demonstrated very well by the specimen below.

There are always some hotspots that are favored by many... so competition is fierce and these spots never stay empty for long.

Any spot can become a hotspot, even a location out in the very open, where the defeated may start to gather and just stand there will-lessly and wallow... perhaps thinking of better days...

Again, the rule to have something at hand to keep the mind sane helps.

As it was inside, at the outside locations the more experienced guys can be spotted easily.

As are the specimens that will probably not survive the day.

There normally are only two occasions at which the female becomes a bit more vulnerable, but it may turn out she becomes more dangerous as well, one is feeding time. When she turns snappy, starts to increase the mental abuse (it may even turn physical)... it probably is time to shove some calories into the top opening. Feeding locations will definitely be provided at these places.

Kind of typical that at a clothing outlet the feeders just wear a table cloth.

The other moment when you might spot a weakness is when nature calls (no not another sale). But most men will have given up the fight by now and just stand there and wait to suffer their fate.

It is only at the very end of the day, when all there primal needs (like shoes, shirts, shoes, stockings, shoes, jackets and... shoes) are fulfilled that the female may take a pause.

Some even look a bit worn out.

And some got even more then they bargained for...

... buy a jacket... kid for free.

[ No shoes were harmed during creation of this blog entry! ]